GE is Beneath Your Christmas Tree

As promised in last week's blog, I'm introducing you to the GE Christmas Guys.  As you can see, they're a bit rummy, having been at the eggnog on a cold wintry day.  But they're eager to share their joy of GE products as they give you the low-down on the high points of these marvelous gifts available to the good people of 1962.  So here's what the GE Christmas Guys were pushing on the readers of Life Magazine on December 14th, 1962.

Every great gal in your life needs a bag over her head.  And here's one attached to an electric fan and a heating element.  This pink bouffant bonnet comes in a handsome travel case, which your wife might need if you give this to her for Christmas.  It'll be easy to include as she packs up to leave you.

Let's assume that the GE Christmas Guy in this picture is just napping, and that he wasn't electrocuted by the "Waverly" automatic blanket.  I've never been a fan of this idea.  Wrapping yourself with energized copper wire is grabbing hold of the atomic age a bit too literally.  Sure, it was the Sixties, and everything was going electric.  But let's try to keep the flow of electricity out of the sheets, huh?  There are better ways to keep warm in bed without resorting to regulated voltage.

Does anyone iron out there anymore?  I don't know.  I remember my mother ironing, and ironing, and ironing.  Seemed like our clothes didn't look much different than they do now, and my wife doesn't iron much.  Pretty sure that in the old days our clothes were made out of something akin to saran wrap.  I mean, just consider how badly they always wrinkled.  Come to think of it, many of the clothes back then were closely related to plastic wrap.  They were actually plastic.  All that polyester and rayon.  Even the cotton clothes wrinkled constantly.  But at least with this gift from GE, as they suggest, you can open your gift and iron out the wrinkles on your Christmas party dress.  That's supposed to sound wonderful, but it mostly sounds like a sad Christmas moment.  Let's move on.

 Nothing says "special Christmas" like an automatic can opener.  Especially one that is designed to opened cans with blank, blue labels.  Mystery meat, I'd guess.  Love the copy here--"Opens that can of cranberry sauce electrically."  And don't miss the fact that this puppy has a governor-controlled motor.  And the special bonus here is the pre-safety-conscious-society decision to manufacture this without a guard on the cutting device.  As a child, I always imagined what it would be like to catch your finger in that metal-chewing mechanism.  That I still have all ten fingers is a testament to sheer luck.

"Hey mom, here's your gift!  Open it first so you can bake us all a Christmas cake!"  Kids are so cute.  So are husbands who buy portable mixers for their wives and tell her it's from the kids.  Now she's no fool.  In 1962, mom knows perfectly well that dad put the kids up to this so she can mix drinks for him with the free drink mixer attachment.  I'd suggest he not toss in that optional accessory for sharpening knives.  

"From December 26th," this ad reads, "housecleaning will never be easier!"  Yeah, but your wife may never be easy to get along with ever again.  I doubt most wives would even be impressed that this vacuum has a double-action tool.  I might be, if I knew what that meant.  But I'm not gonna ask the GE Christmas Guy hanging from the hose.  Let's see what's left under the tree.

Coffee?  Now we're talking.  I think GE might have a winner here.  Since Keurig machines won't be invented for another forty-plus years, a Peek-A-Brew Coffee Maker is not a bad idea.  Not only will it count the cups, but it will keep the coffee hot.  Now we just have to wait until flavored coffees are offered in the coffee aisle at the local shopping center.  Toffee Pumpkin Skinny Lattes won't be available for quite a while yet!  You'll have to stick with plain cream and sugar.

Thanks to the GE Christmas Guys for their wonderful gift ideas.  For all you newly married young men out there, don't listen to these guys.  Cleaning and cooking supplies aren't your best bet for a young wife's Christmas gift.  Maybe on occasion, if she specifically asks for something.  But I'd avoid buying her anything like knife sharpeners and bags for her head.  I think we can all agree that's just a little common sense.

Here's the full ad that ran in Life Magazine.

For more Christmas ideas from the past, check out last year's posts on Burstein-Applebee.

Burstein-Applebee Part One

Burstein-Applebee Part Two

Christmas Shopping in Life, December 14, 1962

Life Magazine, December 14, 1962

For those of you who think online shopping is a break from the important traditions of Christmas, I want to take a little time to remind readers how they might have shopped for their loved ones' Christmas presents fifty-two years ago.

No, your grandparents weren't hoping for the latest smartphone.  They were hoping for the latest Kodak!  And why not?  With "steadiness built in" and a new shape that "gives you a firmer grip for sharp, clear pictures", the Brownie Super 27 Outfit could be bought in toto for less than $22.00.  (That's $172.96 for you and me.)

But wait, there's more, as you might have guessed.  The Brownie Starmite has a built-in flash!  Or what about the Brownie Starmeter with its built-in eexposuremeter?  Or there's that electric eye (an electric eye!  We aren't kidding here, an electric eye!) in the Kodak Automatic 8 movie kit.  This baby sets the lens opening automatically for beautiful movies.  Heck, buy the movie kit and the movie projector for just $118.00.  (Just under $1000.00 in 2014.)  And don't forget, this price includes the lamp bar and lamps.

Now here you'll see that some things never change.  Watches are still a common gift found under the tree.  (I still remember one I opened when I was about twelve.  There is nothing like seeing the sparkle of a new watch on Christmas morning.)  And here we see Bulova, a watchmaker that is still ticking.  I'm partial to the Bulova Beau Brummel, since I'm a man who demands dramatic styling.  Heck, at just $115.00, this timepiece is almost affordable.  Uh, except...that's the 1962 price.  Today that would be $904.13.  A bit steep for me.  I'd have to stick on the lower end of that $24.75 to $2500.00 range.  (Yeah, the high end of that would now be $19,665.00.)  The highest Rolex I can find now is under $10,000.  And Bulova has nothing even close to that.  So it is safe to say watches are a bit more reasonably priced today.  Maybe that's why Bulova thinks wishes were watches.  And they wish they were getting prices equivalent to 1962.

Okay, you knew I'd slip a car in here somewhere.  And let me just be up front.  If any of my family wants to buy me a 1963 Buick LeSabre I would not turn it down.  After all, "for all its sleek beauty, there's a lot of hustle built into the full-size LeSabre."  Hey, I mean, it has Advanced Thrust engineering.  And you know what that means, right?  Uh, it means straight tracking, flat cornering, and precision handling.  Oh, don't forget the trigger-quick response of its famous Turbine Drive--optional but sensationally smooth!.  And who knew that the Safety-X frame construction ends rattles?  (Now that I think about it, I bet my father-in-law knew it did.)  Clearly a gift I'd cherish.

Now, how about something to liven up your Christmas party?  Well, at least something to liven up Jack Carter and his wife Paula Stewart.  According to this add, he's a noted screen and TV comedian, and she's an actress, though I don't guess she's noted.    (Now, I know a lot about old TV--Jack Parr, Steve Allen, Jack Benny, Milton Burle, etc--but I've never heard of Jack Carter.  He looks really vaguely familiar, but I'm stretching it here.  Basically, I think Heublin Cocktails paid for cheap talent here.  But then again, I don't remember Heublin, either.  Anyone out there remember Jack or his cheapskate sponser?)

I do know that Jack and his wife and their little party look pretty sad without those cocktails.  And we can guess that they can at least act happy with the cocktails.  At least for the cameras.

I'm tossing in this vintage ad from Bacardi not because I enjoy a little eggnog and rum from time to time.  I'm tossing it in so you can see the creepy elves that were hawking Bacardi rum in 1962.  Let's be honest, elves are weird nearly all the time.  But these little creeps are scary.  I think I saw something like them in a Tales from the Crypt episode.  Don't believe me?  Take a closer look.

I don't know about you, but I'm afraid to find out what this old rummy is mixing into the eggnog.  I think it would be prudent to pass on this holiday beverage.  We'll just smile, nod, hold out a hand in the universal gesture that says "I'm trying to cut back, my belly's getting a bit too big, and you're too creepy to mix my drink.  And Merry Christmas!"

Check back next week for a special appearance by the GE Christmas Guys.  They're not as creepy as the Bacardi elves.  I mean, for starters, they aren't trying to slip strange, possibly lethal concoctions into your Uncle Harry's glass at your family get-together.  Lord knows that's the last thing Uncle Harry needs.  

After-Christmas Shopping with Burstein-Applebee in 1968

Okay, I know what you're thinking.  Christmas is over.  Way over.  Like there isn't even any Christmas turkey left in the house.  The last of the turkey-jello was fed to the cat at least four or five days ago.  What's left of the Christmas fudge was accidentally packed away with the ornaments, which, incidentally, isn't a bad thing.  After all, it helps to have the fudge inaccessible as we try to meet those New Year's resolutions that have more to do with fantasy than reality.  So...why am I posting this about Christmas shopping?

Well, let's look at the facts.  You, along with everyone else, were given gift cards galore.  So many that you were able to stuff your wallet with them.  And now, stacked inside that worn, supple leather, they'll sit for months, forgotten behind the expired library card and the unused Putt-Putt Golf frequent duffer card.  But here's your chance to be really wise about your forgotten gift cards.  Check this out.

First things first: get those cards out and look them over.  Which ones do you want to really use?  If you're a book lover like yours truly, you'll definitely want to set the Barnes & Noble card to one side.  That one will get used.  In fact, I doubt it made it into the wallet.  It was probably used up before Christmas was officially over at midnight.  Online shopping is such instant gratification, isn't it?  But look through your cards and grab the ones that weren't quite...you.  Yeah, you know the ones, given by a distant relative who really had no idea what you do with your life.  Maybe you aren't so keen on Omaha Steaks since you're a vegetarian.  Or you'll never buy a hat from Lids, since you have a perfect head of hair that should never, ever, be covered by a wide-brimmed ball cap with primary colors that came straight off of Blues' Clues.  Heck, maybe you just refuse to use that Amazon gift card because you once bravely announced publicly that you'd never do business with those cut-throats at Amazon because...well, you can't remember why you said it and sort of regret it but you know your friends and family are now watching you to see what you'll do with that Amazon gift card and wondering if you'll stick to your principles or if you'll just go ahead and order the entire set of Star Trek: The Next Generation on Blue-ray.  Anyway...take these cards and sell them to friends at work.  Sure, you'll have to come down a bit on their value, but that's okay.  At least you'll spend money on your own terms, without being forced to buy something from some store you don't like.

Now, here's the genius of my plan.  With all that money you've managed to salvage from the gift cards, you are now free to pick up one of these great specials at Burstein-Applebee.  Just check out these deals:

 Have you ever seen such a versatile tape recorder?  Of course you haven't.  And that's because right there in the Burstein-Applebee catalog, you'll find the most versatile tape recorder yet!  Well, it's the most versatile yet in 1968.  There may be one that is more versatile now, in 2014, but I challenge anyone to tell me they can find one that is more versatile and lower priced at $119.50.  Go ahead, just try and beat this deal.  I mean, seriously, this baby has versatility coming out its reels.  Just consider:
     The 2 track monaural allows for 12 hours of recording time.  Twelve hours!  That's like half a day.  In fact, that is half a day.  Golly.
     This wild ride has three speeds: 7 1/2, 3 3/4, and 1 7/8.  Who could ask for anything better than that?  Who would want to even think of fractions beyond these?  You'd have to be a math teacher to even try and slow that speed down to a number even remotely divisible by 1 7/8.
     That slim attache case is designed at only 3 5/8" thick.  I don't know about you, but I think 3 5/8" is truly the definition of slim.  You couldn't get slimmer than that unless you developed digital technology and created an MP3 player that was only 5/8" thick.  And trust me, in 1968, you wouldn't have been smart enough to develop digital technology.  Fact is, you aren't smart enough to develop it in 2014.
     And let's not overlook the fact that this baby has volume and tone controls that are recessed.  Do I even need to point out how cool that is?  I didn't think so.

Now here's a deal you can't ignore.  Okay, okay, you've seen portable TVs before.  But have you seen one with 82 channels?  You can use this sweetheart anywhere, which is important, since you'd never get to use all 82 channels in 1968.  So you just port this puppy over to 2014 and then you'll be able to appreciate the full range of television programming that can be packed into this beautiful, solid state, deluxe, television and its full 37 square inch viewing area.

For just under one hundred dollars, you'll get a super bright picture for the whole family to see.  Even in broad daylight!  I know, that's crazy, right?  But there's more:  its transistor circuitry has 44 solid-state devices.  It even has a modern, clean look when the set is turned off.  That's right.  It doesn't have that outdated, dirty look when it's off.  And why would it?  This amazing set is produced by the world-famous Matsushito guys.  And they've always been about modern, clean looking televisions that are turned off.  Now just don't forget to order your four-pound battery pack for $29.95.  That's less than eight dollars per battery pound.  When's the last time you saw a steal like that?

Now, don't forget all of the B-A personal mail order service you'll get when you order one of these fine after-Christmas products:
     For starters, you'll have this handy B-A order blank...whenever possible.  Sometimes, it just isn't possible for the order blank to be handy.  We realize that there are limitations to when an order blank can be handy.
     You tell B-A how you want the shipment made.  Express?  Freight?  Regular Parcel Post?  Decaf Parcel Post?  Or how about Air?  That's right, they can float your order to you on the clouds.  And you get to decide when you send the money too.  Use a money order, or a bank draft (whatever that is!) or even...heck, let me quote them.  You'll think I'm making this up, but I'm not.  "Many B-A Customers ask us to fill in the exact amount on their signed blank check...a most convenient and safe way to send remittance."  Uhhh...okay.  Oh yeah, and don't forget that the Federal Reserve Bank Ruling states you cannot send in a check where the bank name has been deleted.  That Federal Reserve is sharp, I tell ya.  Nothing gets past them.  Not even checks without bank names on them.  Someone's thinking down in D.C.
     But before you go and get too excited about these amazing shipping options, let me bring you back to reality a bit.  There is an important little rule to keep in mind.  There is a minimum order size.  I know, right?  Disappointing.  But I have to admit they make a good point.  They state, and again, I quote:
"Since it is not economical to process many small orders, a 50c service charge is necessary for any order under $5.00.  You avoid this charge entirely on orders over $5.00."  Well, they got you there.  You'll have to spend at least five dollars.  Okay, so the B-A shopping experience isn't all fun and games.  As mothers have said since the beginning of time: life is full of disappointments.

And speaking of disappointments, don't even get me started on the $35.00 minimum order for opening a new B-A Revolving Charge Account.

Christmas Shopping with Burstein-Applebee in 1968

I've been too busy for Christmas shopping this year.  I'm in the middle of a project that includes cleaning out an old house and prepping it for a major remodel.  So it was quite fortuitous that I came across this handy Christmas edition of a Burstein-Applebee electronics catalog.  All of my shopping needs can be easily met right here in this fantastic collection of high-tech wizardry.  As you can see on the cover, there are many stores to choose from if I want to shop in person, and I can even send orders to the main office and expect fast personal service.  That's right...personal service through the mail.  I don't know how they do it.

Right off the bat I can see that one of the Christmas Specials is a steal.  A Solid State Telephone Amplifier; just $14.95!  This baby allows a room full of people to listen and talk on the same telephone.  Not only that, but it's battery powered and requires no installation.  And with that amazing on-off switch, you, well let me quote them here.  I want to make sure the copy-writer gets all the credit for this poetic line.  "Simple flip switch when in use, turn off when call is completed."  Yep, it really is that simple.  What will they think of next?

This is what they thought of next.  A "really portable tiny solid state TV."  This should be perfect for a friend of mine who is really tiny and portable.  This sweet 16 inch (that's 16 square inches, mind you) television gives you striking beauty with its 90 degree aluminized picture tube has true picture detail.  And that dark-tint screen "assures pleasing contrast indoors or out, and when set is off it blends in with modernistic design."  I had to put that last bit in quotes so you wouldn't think I was making that up.  Oh man, I'm thinking of putting this on my own wish list.  Imagine settling in to watch Star Trek on this baby.  It almost looks like Mr. Spock's science station.




I'll be back with more great items from this wonderful catalog.  Stay tuned!