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Wednesday, September 12, 2012

My View of Internet Comment Threads

Copied with permission from
USAG considering hate crime charges against major internet news sites
Posted on September 12, 2012 at 2:19pm by  Chick Walderbeekenen         Print »           Email »          Comments  (16)

  A recent study conducted by a panel of web-surfers with too much time on their hands has concluded that while the Internet boasts a growing industry of media outlets and readership, the majority of news stories carry with them pages and pages of poorly written, unsubstantiated, racially explosive, expletive-laced (yes, we recognize the expletives no matter that you misspell them or substitute symbols from the shift-level number keys), and completely ignorant arguments.
  The USAG is paying attention.
While every website has its own rules for moderating these interactive forums, most of the administrators of these pages are not doing their job.  It is an impossible mission.  It would require a legion of moderators to police the thousands of comments that crop up on websites from to properly.  This logistical nightmare does not, however, relieve the operators of said websites from their culpability in propagating such online vitriol.  In no way is their guilt assuaged by the weak disclaimer that is added to each of these forums—this website is not responsible for any comments that might cause offense or lead any person to begin to believe that the majority of fellow commenters are dumber than rocks and worth less than a cup of coffee.
  The very fact that websites make such harmful and detrimental writings available to the public, through their own efforts of updating, cataloging, and offering said offensive comments for archival reading may leave them ripe for prosecution.  The intervention of the USAG may not only be necessary, it might also just be in the nick of time.
  “The trend of the comment pages has begun to alarmingly plummet,” says Web Sociologist Fric Fracenbergerer, of Northwestern Southern State’s Independent Methodological Combine and Noninterventionist Conjecture Branch, “and this trend is only going to get worse as the election season draws nearer.  The incivility of the public debate has drawn out what is usually kept hidden by our desire to appear to our friends as someone they would want to invite over for a friendly cup of coffee instead of revealing their true inner selves, which usually is more in line with the nut-jobs that populate our inner nightmares—like, for just an example, when we fear that an escaped inmate from the local insane asylum has passed himself off as a teacher at the local school and is inflicting irreparable damage on our children’s psyches.  These little monsters, easily suppressed in polite company, easily break out of their confinement as soon as one sits down in front of a computer screen.  Given a keyboard, and a world-wide-audience, these monsters become terribly virulent.”
  And it is this virulence that has drawn the watchful eye of the USAG.  Since the advent of Hate Laws, which has put a bullseye on our intentions and not just our actions, the way is open for the Government to begin probing the possibility of indicting hundreds of website operators for allowing these rivers of hate to flow free.  Full of racial epithets, expletives, and religious attacks, it is quite possible that each one of these dangerous comments, which can lead to violence, hatred, and even hurt feelings, could be listed as an incident of Hate Speech, allowing the Attorney General to compile a list of charges as long as the comment section on an article written about the President’s State of the Union speech.
  A decision from the USAG is expected to be announced sometime in the next two years. 
Full disclosure ethics leads us to confess that our own website may be culpable in contributing to the vituperative nature of the Internet and our Board of Directors will decide within the week whether or not we will continue to allow comment sections to be appended to our articles.
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·         AGra V8ted
Posted on September 12, 2012 at 3:12pm

Yeah, don’t you just hate teachers?!!!  They really do mess up little minds!  Like Plato said, all the teachers ought to be thrown in the ocean!!
Posted on September 12, 2012 at 4:43pm
You’re kidding right?  The &*^ing govurment needs to go after all those stupid religus haters who keep pushing there Jesus crud on me!  Stop saying that fournicators are sinners.  Just cus I was born that way don’t make me a sinner!!!!
                      (Yo girlz, you like my comment?  check me at this email!) 
Posted on September 12, 2012 at 5:21pm

Bet you a box of donuts the writer of this trash is a hippie A-Rab trying to bring down the internet!

                Posted on September 12, 2012 at 5:28pm
            @Mediawatcher—are you smoking crack?  Hippies can’t be Arabs, you brain-dead paranoid. 

                Posted on September 12, 2012 at 5:33pm
            Bobbylouis?  More like Liberal Media Nazi Cop, trolling for honest knights like me who are just out here trying to keep the truth truth and the lies lies.  I know who you really are, Feinbeggler.  You’re such a screwup, you used this BobbyLouis alias in the Obama/Healthcare/Lady Gaga fight last week!  HA!  Outed!  Stick that in your commie stew and choke on it, k)&^(^%er! 

                Posted on September 12, 2012 at 5:44pm
            What are you talking about?  Have you been watching too much Hannity?  (No coincidence it rhymes with insanity!  And where’s Combs?  Anyone realize they haven’t found his body?  Notice how they never move Hannitys desk?  Too obvious!) 

                Posted on September 12, 2012 at 5:55pm
            Here we go again, folks!  Feinbeggler’s still on this crazy thing about Hannity murdering Colmes.  (Not Combs, you Neanderthal!)  Alan Colmes is on TV all the time.  He’s alive!  Check the facts, you slug-eating monkey-child!  There is no date of death for Alan Colmes on Wikipedia.  Duh!  It would be there if he was dead!!!!!! 

Posted on September 12, 2012 at 5:30pm
I’m glad something is being done about this.  I get so sad when I read the awful filth that people type in these comments sections.  They are so hurtful, so mean to everybody.  The world needs more love.  Not the yucky kind that all those horrible sickos show in movies and their gross music videos.  People like that should be locked up for the rest of their lives, they are so twisted and disgusting.  I can’t stand to see all those vile ‘love scenes’ which in fact have nothing to do with love.  I say lock them up and then fill their cells with water until they drown.  That’s the only way to end all of that and restore love to the world, which it desperately needs.  I just wish someone would stand up and say things like this.  I sure couldn’t.  That’s what seems so hard to believe, that so many people want to sit down at their computers and talk to the world, as if anyone wants to hear what they have to say.  I can’t do it, since modesty and discretion prevent me from posting comments all over the web like all of those morons who are always writing this kind of thing.
               Posted on September 12, 2012 at 5:35pm
            Yo Princess—you’re hot, girl.  Check me at this email!

                Posted on September 12, 2012 at 5:30pm
            It came back as mailer-daemon failed to deliver.  Twice!  Did I do something wrong? 
Lonely for 1
Posted on September 12, 2012 at 6:10pm
USAG Considering Wanting a wife but to get one know can get to no one?  Our best line-on no previous husbands girls from <domain not United States f:share to> pretty land and want for the wedding cheap with all documentation at Wyves4theaskin.azer.
                                Posted on September 12, 2012 at 6:17pm

            Yo gotcha, you lieing (*&(&^%%!!  People don’t trust these cockroaches!  They take your money and no girl ever shows up at the airport!  Stupid Cops won’t do nothing about it either!!  They are all in cahoots!  I can prove it!!  Check me at this email!
                                    Yo, Princess, got your email—finally!!  Sorry, I’ll check you back after I finish this post.           These cheating white slavers will PAY!

Posted on September 12, 2012 at 7:o8pm

As the article says, people are becoming too uncivil.  They do not have the manners our parents raised us with seventy years ago.  We have become a nation of cave-men.  I do not really believe that the websites in question are legally responsible for the hate-crimes that come from such overblown temper-tantrums as one sees in the comment sections, but perhaps they should be held accountable in some way.  Ethically, they are certainly at fault for allowing so many people to speak their minds (but really, they prove every day they are actually mind-less).

                Posted on September 12, 2012 at 7:33pm
            @Rightbyme—who are you calling a caveman?  I know you’re talking to me.  You won’t call me brainless and get away with it, you sick,sick, sick OLD man.  How dare you call my posts overblown tempertantrums!!!  I am tired of hearing all of you old farts bragging about the old times, how great you all were.  If you were so great how did the world erupt into all those wars?  BOOM!  That’s a shot you can’t dodge, you senile can’t-walk-without-a-cane pedophile!
                Posted on September 12, 2012 at 7:44pm
            Mediawatcher outed you, remember Feinbeggler?  All it took was a little googling to find you.  And guess what?  I’m in LA too!  I can’t walk without a cane?  Well, let me tell you, you little left-wing fairy, I can’t walk without a gun either.  And you know what that means?  You better get off the web and get out of your apartment before I get there!

Posted on September 12, 2012 at 7:45pm
@ Agra V8ted.  This article wasn’t about teachers.  What are you talking about?  I happen to be a teacher who does not mess up little kids’ minds.  And another thing.  Plato did not say that!  Shakespeare said “let’s kill all the LAWYERS.”  You are mixing this quote up with the joke about lawyers in the ocean.  Get an education!

This comment thread has been locked-down by order of the LAPD pending investigation of shooting incident off Selpulveda Blvd.
Posted on September 12, 2012 at 7:45pm

1 comment:

  1. Hahaha, this is brilliant. You really should go to work for The Onion. :D