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Saturday, July 28, 2012

My Lonely View of Movies

Am I the only person who thinks most trailers are better than the movies themselves?
Am I the only person who says this time I'm not going to buy popcorn, and then buy it as soon as I smell it?
Am I the only person who thinks there is too much action in action movies?
Am I the only person who thinks Ashley is not worth all that bother?
Am I the only person who sits in an empty theater, only to have a man with a chronic cough sit down directly behind me?
Am I the only person who enjoys the snack food/please be quiet film at the beginning of the show?
Am I the only movie-goer that hated Avatar?
Am I the only person who fell asleep at a Harry Potter movie?
Am I the only person who sees that Hollywood would make a ton of money if they just started re-releasing movies like The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly every week?
Am I the only person who watched The Passion of the Christ while some idiot behind me explained the movie to his lady-friend, mostly with explanations that were wrong?
Am I the only person that likes to read many of the technical credits even though I don't know one person who works in Hollywood?
Am I the only person who realizes that most of the numbskulls around me at the theater don't have a clue what's going on in the movie?
Am I the only man who thinks Glynnis Johns is sexy?
Am I the only person who watches fight scenes that occur in people's homes and cringe at the thought of all that home repair work that will need to be paid for and completed?
Am I the only person who thinks Elliot should have handed ET over to the authorities?
Am I the only person who thinks eating nachos at a theater is a no-no?
Am I the only father who teared up when his kids got the chance to see Casablanca on the big screen?
Am I the only person who gave up seeing the Eiffel Tower lit up at night to see The Lady from Shanghai in a little Parisian theater?
Am I the only person who has never double-dipped for a second, free movie at the multi-plex?
Am I the only person who remembers seeing The Sting with his parents when he was only three years old?
Am I the only movie-goer who still wants a refund for that Tom Selleck debacle Folks?
Am I the only man who thinks Angelina Jolie is not hot?
Am I the only person who thinks 80's synthesizer movie-scores were really cool?
Am I the only person who is glad Peter Jackson changed Glorfindel to Arwen for Frodo's rescue at the Ford of Bruinen?
Am I the only person who never liked jujubes?
Am I the only person who has watched a movie from the first row in the seat farthest to the left?
Am I the only person who thought The Boatniks was a great movie?
Am I the only person who thinks Moonraker should be stricken from the James Bond collective memory?
Am I the only person who misses the scratchy needle-on-a-record sound that preceded the beginning of movies before digital ruined everything with its perfect sound?
Am I the only person who wishes he could quit his job, buy an old theater, and play classic movies as a career?
Am I the only person who recasts movies in his mind even as he's watching them, even if he likes the actors in it?
Am I the only person who suddenly wants to go to a theater near me?


2 comments:

  1. You and me are probably the only people who don't like jujubes and Angelina Jolie both. Her face kinda creeps me out.

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